Episode #4: “Finding Love in America: Reality Bites”

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Finding Love in America: Reality Bites

What do you look for when you are seeking “the one?”

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I believe the answer lies mainly in when you are looking and why.

When I was in my 20s, dating in America was a form of self-discovery. “The one” was usually someone, Chinese or non-Chinese, who opened my eyes to something new, something fun and exciting, something profound and intriguing. This “one” would be a bridge made of all kinds of materials that made it unique. This unique bridge, not a final destination, was what I wanted.

I was always attracted to quirky, charismatic and challenging characters who would make me laugh, cry, think hard, think again, try hard and try again. You may call that a teacher figure, a father figure, a mentor, a hero – but never a husband. I suppose I was indulging in this kind of self and life exploration because I could. My parents in Hong Kong never gave me pressure to marry.

Now I realize it’s very different for Chinese millennials seeking “the one.” Most of them are the only child, facing tremendous pressure from their parents in China to settle down, get married and have kids while still in their 20s.

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But finding love in America is challenging for anyone at any age. It’s especially tough if you’re a woman approaching 30, and suddenly single after a 6-year relationship was over. That was Q’s story.

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“Q” is a nickname for Qinghua Zhao, from Xian, China. Her parents in China were getting anxious, and she told me she began “aggressive dating.” She went online, met many “good people” as she called them, but none was her match. While husband hunting, Q also hit a crisis in her professional life.

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What would she do to find her husband and turn her life around? Honestly, I found her choices and grit amazing.

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Here’s a hint.
Before she found her husband, she founded a start-up 2RedBeans, a dating website for Chinese in America. She turned her personal problem into a business opportunity that would help other people just like her. How?

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Listen to “One in a Billion” my podcast interview with Q in “Finding Love in America.”

Share your thoughts? Pitch me a story?
“One in a Billion” is listening to #China, one person at a time.

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Mable, New York

Mable Chan

Mable Chan is the founder of China Personified. Her contact is mablechan@chinapersonified.com.

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